Newspaper Archive of
Hays Free Press
Kyle, Texas
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April 15, 2015     Hays Free Press
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April 15, 2015
 

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+ Page 4A THEY SAID THAT 'Tin not interested in sending council members on vacation." -- Mayor Todd Webster on funding Kyle City Council members travel to an annual for shopping center industry conference in Las Vegas Hays Free Press April 15, 2015 water crisis" me a ' Jl day l faced the barren wastes" without the taste of water..." - The Sons of the Pioneers ~thn case you missed it while washing e car, watering the lawn or taking a ong shower, the recent United Nations World Water Development Report ex- trapolates current trends and predicts Guest that the Column world's wa- ter supply by Danny Tyree will fall40 percent short of water needs in a mere 15 years. U.N. officials have publicized the report because water shortages could be devas- taring to agriculture, ecosystems, econo- mies, health and - most importantly- the wet T-shirt contests they research while in NewYork City flaunting diplomatic immunity. The hardest-hit areas would be sub-Sa- haran Africa and Southeast Asia; but closer to home, a separate NASA Observatory analysis indicates that by the end of the century, the worst drought in 1,000 years could hit the Great Plains and southwest- ern United States. And of course we've heard of the mandatory water restrictions and other emergency measures in drought-stricken California. But long-term hope springs eternal. Desalination plants cost a forttme, but just a few of them could provide prac- tically limitless fresh water- and nearly enough salt for the snacks at one Super Bowl party. The U.N. says many factors have contributed to the global problem, but unchecked population growth is cited as the main culprit. Let me get this straight: the best way to save water is to encourage MORE COLD SHOWERS. Only in Am... well, only on planet earth. I know I've been luckier than most, but I have had a little experience with wa- ter issues. For 16 years my"day job" has involved working at a farmers cooperative, so I know of the effect of inadequate rain- fall on crops and pasture. And during the winter of'94, my wife and I had running water only one day out of a 15-day period (thanks to frozen pipes and- after a one- day reprieve - a downed power line that idled the pump at the spring). Thank good- ness we were able to keep some modicum of romance in our lives. ("How do I love thee? Let me count the deodorants.") water shortages will be an annoyance to some, a catastrophe for others - and a financial bonanza for the lucky few. For instance, makers of veterinary anti-nausea medicines. Because all those water-skiing squirrel videos will soon feature hapless squirrels riding tumbling tumbleweeds. It will take a lot to get people to take this issue seriously. For one thing, folks have faith in American ingenuity. They assume technology will take care of the problem. You know, like a super-hero exoskeleton capable of KICKING THE CAN FURTHER DOWN THE ROAD! If we don't get a handle on this situ- ation now, we will live in a frightening new world. People will sit around the campfire singing, "Michael, Drag The Boat Ashore." Youngsters in swimming trunks will replace "Cannonball!" with cries of "Tentative toe dip!IV Right-wing talk-show hosts will rant about "redistribution of perspiration." Philosophers will ask, "Is the glass half-empty or...half-way to the next county after armed robbers hijacked Research the issue. Start out with some relatively painless ways to conserve. Really, in a hundred years, who is going to care if you had the lushest lawn on the whole &^%$# block? Well, oka3 maybe BettyWhite. But she'll be too busy procuring bootleg water for a wet T-shirt contest to say anything. Danny welcomes email responses at tyreetyrades@aol.com and visits to his Face- book fan page "Tyree's Tyrades': Danny's' weekly column is distributed exclusively by Cagle Cartoons Inc. newspaper syndicate. ybthall might recollect at I wrote about my ack surgery in my last column. Although I am recovering nicely thanks to my rehab program that con- sists of a soft recliner and an array of powerful, mind- al- tering pain pills, I do have lots of time on my hands to ponder life and to peck on a keyboard. If you are worried that my prescrip- tion drugs might inhibit me from writing my usually prophetic and thought-pro- voking literary treasures, well, heck-fire, folks, there's no need to fret none. I am a professional journalist with a knack for driveling under the influence. Let's get back to my medi- cal condition, shall we? I am sure most of y'all trust your doctor and strictly follow his directions. Personally, I have lots of respect for most doctors, and even more for a sawbones who can turn my spine from looking like a dyslexic question mark into a proud exclamation mark. By shoring up my spine with more metal than what you'd find hanging from some gangsta rapper's neck, From the Crow's Nest by Clint Younts this doctor has sure earned my trust, but I am afraid he might've neglected to advise me on possible side effects of having a mess of titani- um and steel permanently attached to my lower spine. Of course, some precau- tions are common sense, like standing on a hilltop lis- tening to a nearby thunder- storm might not be a wise decision for a fellow like me who once again stands at six foot-five and is sporting a built-in lightning rod. I don't need to be told by a doctor that I should give up break dancing and bull riding. Travelling through downtown Austin on a pogo stick might be ill-advised. But after a few weeks of at- home rehab, I have noticed a few eerie occurrences that my doctor had neglected to mention. Allow me to share some of these unconfirmed phenomena. When I go outside these days and Stand perfectly still, my body slowly rotates until my backside is point- ing northi Every time I shuffle past our refrigerator, the magnets rearrange themselves. Scorpions no longer hurry across the floor when they see me coming. It's like they know that there's no easy way for me to kill them, es- pecially ifI am gripping my cane in one hand and a fresh brew in the other. I swear I can hear those evil creatures taunting me. When Standing in front of the microwave oven, waiting on my Hot Pocket, it is not uncommon to have sparks shoot out my butt. If I walk up to the cattle guard, face southeast with my left arm raised overhead and my mouth wide-open, Tejano music comes out of my ears. Now, let me ask y'all, do these occurrences sound normal to you? I don't think so either, but wouldn't you expect my doctor to warn me of such strange side effects of back surgery? Now my HEB pharmacist did give me a long list of possible side effects of the pain meds that I was prescribed. Since I rarely suffer from any side effects of drugs, I quickly scanned over the paper, noticing a few words like "hallucinations", "stupor", "delusions" and "consti- pation". I read something about not drinking alcohol while on this medication be- cause it may intensify some side effects, but that's just a recommendation, right? I also read that I should not drive a car or operate heavy machinery while on this medication. As I wagin the check-out line at the store with my pills, Metamucil (I take constipation very seri- ously) and a 6-pack of Lone star, I think I read another warning on that list that states: "You should never attempt to write a newspa- per column while taking this medication." Cowboy and vet tech Clint Younts will soon be back at his haunts in north Hays County, eating Mexican food and imbibing in other spe- cialties of the restaurants. crowsnest78610@yahoo.com , h,, I are norm,, SO IS "t is said that males make more mistakes than .females. That may or may not be true. What is true is that male pride often makes the "stronger" sex less apt to confess to an error in judgment. Thankfully, I learned at an early age that confession is good for the soul or what- ever curative that humble stripping down to the inner self provides. Males seem more prone to gullibility, although they have no monopoly on it. A bent toward "glory," heroism, delusions of grandeur and other such hedonistic pur- suits tends to apply blinders to men much as one would to a horse. Whether riding a horse or "guiding" an equine pulling something such as a wagon, blinders are often required as part of the controls to keep the horse from shying in a way that can bring harm to either a rider or a driver. Those city slickers among you reading this offering should consult a "country" friend to understand the distinction made here. In the newspaper busi- ness -- particularly the small town majority of that genre -- editors and pub- lishers learn in a hurry that EVERYONE who reads your newspaper sees EVERY mis- Webb's Wisdom by Willis Webb ii take. You can't hide. They'll find you whether it's in the grocery store, the bank, church or trying to hide in your garden. Most country newspaper readers are forgiving, partic- ularly after they learn that you're there because you love small towns as much as they do. They under- stand that most of the time you're going to spell their Aunt Drusilla's name right as you write about her 90th birthday party at the nurs- ing home. After all, it's the kind of news that you love because it makes that issue a better seller because of the scrapbook value. And, therein lies the great- est reason for not making a mistake (as in NARY a one) in the "write-up about sweet o1' Auntie Dru." But, then you know all about that sort of thing if you're a small town newspa- per reader-subscriber, the life breath of the best part of the newspaper business. You also know that in a small town, since there's no hiding as heretofore confessed, more often than not, this is why you're going to see Auntie Dru's whole "write-up" reprinted next week. Can't have it in the scrapbook with a MISTAKE. Heavens to Murgatroid. Years ago, I had a young editor who actually was outstanding and has gone on to a fine career in a related field. However, he made one colossal mistake that was extremely embarrassing and a bit costly to correct but it turned out to be very funny. There was a queen's con- test of a sort in which there were a dozen or so contes- tants. Naturally, we ran pic- tures of each. In this era of computerization, sometimes there are formats that can be duplicated which will, of course, save time. One such format fit the queen's contest. On the page, you draw a box the size of the photo, then you type a name line beneath that box for identification. When you've created the format once, you can then duplicate ("dupe") that for as many photos, in this case queen candidates, as you have. The editor duped the initial phOto box and name line tO match the number of candidates. That's smart and time saving except he made a giant error-- he didn't change the name line under each photo, thus each can- didate had the same name. To compound the error, the name that appeared under each photo was that of my son's girlfriend, who was a contestant. My editor's penance was to man the phones begin- ning at 6 a.m. the day the paper hit the street and explain to all the distraught mamas that it was his mistake and that we would re-run all the photos in the next issue (which thankfully was still before the pageant). Fortunately, all the girls and their mothers were fairly un- derstanding and some even laughed about it. And, I'm still writing these weekly meanderings through outstanding news- papers in our Texas small town world. But, no I don't want to in- vest in gold or stocks or even great small town newspa- pers any more. I'm content to sit at this keyboard and acknowledge that life's full of mistakes. Acknowledging them and moving forward is the only real curative I know. Willis Webb is a retired community newspaper edi- tor-publisher of more than 50 years experience. wwebb@att.net Barton Publications, Inc. News tips: news@haysfreepress.com Opinions: csb@haysfreepress.com 113 W. Center St., Kyle, TX 78640 512-268-7862 122 Main St., Buda, TX 78610 * 512-295-9760 www.haysfreepress.com + Publisher Moses Leos III, Sports Cyndy Slovak-Barton News Reporter Ashley Sava, Reporter Editor Kim Hilsenbeck kim@haysfreepress.com Editor, Columnists Ed Sterling, Chris Winslow, Bartee Haile, Clint Younts Proofreaders Jane Kirkham, Travis Wilson Tracy Mack, Marketing Director Debbie Hall, Marketing Specialist Michael Weeks, Marketing Specialist Connie Brewer, Office Manager Suzanne Hallam, Circulation/ Classifieds David White, Production Manager Christine Thorpe, Production Asst. Distribution Pete Sizemore, Cosme Cuellar I! i ill i,t ii ,,ll i1t]111 1 I I :I I!