Newspaper Archive of
Hays Free Press
Kyle, Texas
Lyft
November 30, 2011     Hays Free Press
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November 30, 2011
 

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Hays Free Press * November 30, 2011 Page 5A @0@ of HeY, kids, gather around the and somewhat rational ingest this evil Shopping carts violently collide, spiil- bumcampfire, ban is Hurry reinstated, before Ithe have and spirit sweet whilepotatoes, consuming oblivious roasted totUrkey the , ~ ing stale popcorn and Slurpees across the shiny vinyl floor. Wild-eyed women a story to tell you. A tale so Scary that devilish powers that wiil soon overtake il i:i ~iii ~~iiiiii with their sharpened nails claw at the your mommas may have to add extra their minds, latest fashions in Women's Clothing bleach to clean your drawers. I know Shortly after the dinner table has while testosterone-filled men, hyped Halloween was last month, but the tale been cleared and belts have been up on Red Bull and Snickers, savagely I have for you this evening is scarier loosened, these once-sane people attack one another over in Electron- than any ghost story or monster movie. Children, the thing that makes my story so frightening is that it is true. It happened a few days ago, just like it has happened every year in the past and ~il continue to happen. So, kid- dos, listen to my tale carefullY, Once a year, under an aumnm moon, sometlfing wicked creeps into our world, a world that just hours before was happy and peaceful. While families gather to enjoy a meal together, this evil presence invades the homes. Sometimes it comes through the television. Occasionally it hides in the morning newspaper, inserted be- tween the sports section and the local news.Normal people who were logical begin thinking irrationallY, Visions of late-night excursions into the cities and suburban shopping malls are pratac- ing in minds weakened by tryptophan. Logic is replaced by greed and lust. Men and women begin salivating over the newspapers resting upon their engorged bellies. Their eyes open wide, drows'mess disappears like the freshly- baked apple pie that once sat on the counter an hour before. The infected souls begin to conspire, planning their crusade into far-away lands with names like Kohl's, Peuney's and Toys-R-Us. The family elders, till of wisdom and pumpkin pie, vainly try to persuade the younger generation from joining the credit card-clutching clan of crazed consumers that will soon invade every retail establishment in a 30-mile radius. The elders who still bare scars from past battles for limited supplies of Tickle Me Elmos and half-priced Super Nintendos can- not convince their children that there are crazy people out there who will kill for the last Play Station on the sale rack. These young adults are infected and the elders know there is no hope. Their children have caught the fever. Hordes of rabid shoppers nm through the aisles of once peaceful stores, clutching a sales circular in one fist and a Starbucks double latte in the other, oblivious to others around them. ics. Mothers are fighting over toys, and fathers are swinging elbows to get to the stack of Cars 2 DVDs. Mayhem and utter chaos fill the stores while money fills the cash registers. That's right, kids! These people are your parents, neighbors and teach- ers. For 364 days of the year, they are normal, friendly and fun-loving, but once the clock strikes midnight on Thanksgiving night, these fine folks catch the fever. They lose all common sense. Their eyes turn red and they see nothing but dollar signs. They wan- der into shopping malls like a pack of rabid wolves, searching for the best deals. Once the stores open their doors. through the gates of hell these crazed zombies rush, trampling the slow and the weak like stampeding bison. Oh, the horrors! I personally witnessed this horrifying event in the past when I was a young man, and I still shudder when I hear the words "Early Bird Specials." I con- tinue to have nightmares every night after Thanksgiving. Sure, they might be caused from gorging myself on turkeY, dressing and candied yams, but the memories of a near-death experience one November morning on aisle 13 at Target still haunt me todaY, So children, remember this tale I have spun. As the embers of our campfires glow dim, let us go forth and spread the word to your friends. Warn your family and friends of the Ghost of Chiistmas Shopping. Beware of Black Friday!. Clint Younts bares the scars of past encounters, but hopes his daughter gets the latest gadget for his grandson. roekytop78640@yahoo.com [] AtNov. 22 interim hearing ..... f the House Commit- ~ CAPITAL ee on Criminal Juris- i~i~;i;~:~i~ ~m'~uri: ;i::i(~~i~ ~ i prudence focused on DNA testing, a subject drawn to the fore after the recent exonera- tion of an Austin-area man after he served 25 years in prison on a murder sentence. Under the direction of Chairman Pete Gallego, D- Alpine, the committee heard invited testimony. Topics of discussion included test- ing technology, the integrity of evidence testing, testing centers and crime labs, the practicality of not destroying but retaining and storing evi- dence, and the cost of testing. Also discussed were wrong- ful convictions, exonerations, the death penalty and crimi- nal laws. all of which maybe affected by changing technol- ogy in DNA testing and the handling of DNA evidence. water supply systems. Public input is part of the rulemaking process. Texans who are interested in an op- portunity to provide informal comments to staff prior to the formal rulemaking process may attend a rule stakeholder meeting on Dec. 6 at the TCEQ headquarters in Austin. More information is available at www.tceq.state.tx.us. Ed Sterling works for the Texas Press Association and follows the Legislature for the association. edsterling@texaspress.com LAWMAKER PLEADS IN FELONY / PLY' N!C YAI4 A c KOFA MII, I, IONRP, _ A 'II, I IR IATrI,F I=AGE' ; vooR ii!!iif!i!i:iii',ii.iliiii!ii ii State Rep. Joe Driver, R- Garland, has pleaded guilty to abuse of official capacity, a third-degree felony. First elected to the Texas House in 1992, Driver earlier said he would not run for reelection next November. Driver's pleading was made public Nov. 22 by Travis Coun- ty District Attorney Rosemary Lehmberg, who said Driver is accused of converting more than $20,000 of state travel re- imbursement funds, intended for his campaign office'holder account, by depositing those funds into his personal ac- count. Sentencing is set for Dec. 19 in an Austin state district court. Under Texas law, the Travis County district attor- ney's Public Integrity Unit is responsible for criminal investigations of state and federal officials. Lehmberg recommended a sentence of five years deferred adjudication proba- tion, a $5,000 fine and any treatment and counseling as recommended by the proba- tion department. RAINWATER HARVESTING: INPUT SOUGHT With all eyes trained on the drought, two House bills and one Senate bill passed earlier this year by the 82nd Texas Legislature require the Texas Commission on Environmen- tal Quality to develop rules for the installation and malnte- : nance of rainwater harvesting systems. If built, these would be hooked up to public drinking FARMER Debbie Thames Insurance Agency AUTO HOME LIFE BOAT HEALTH 251 N. FM 1626 #2C Buda. TX 78610 Office: ~512) 312-1917 * Fax: 312-0688 Email: dvthames@ ausfin.rr.com Monday-Friday, 9am-5pm Your Business & Referrals Are Appreciated SINCE 1979 Come visit us for all your gift giving needs! #1 Chisholm Trail Buda, Texas 78610 512-295-4600" www.jardinefoods.com Store Hours: Mon.-Fri., 8 a.m.-5 p.m. FRUDAY, DECEMBER 23 the ON SALE NOW! 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